The Best Way I Know How.

Alright so we are going to try something different here with the color. I just picked something and am too laszy to change it. Hopefully if you read this you have good eye sight because it is kind of hard to read. So lastnight Kevin and I went out on a date. It was nice but I kind of was emotional. I'm not quite sure how to feel about the engagment thing. I am still so young and I think that is why he is kind of...not sure about it. I really don't want to pressure him but I am scared if we don't commit before he leaves things will fall apart with us. I KNOW what you are thinking, they can still fall apart even with a ring. Yes, they can. We decided to give eachother a week to think about everything then talk about it again. He got anxious when I talked about it, and when he gets that way he ignores you, or gets frustrated and I in return get defensive. So our lovely date night just wasnt the place to talk about it. I have been reading a lot of blogs and watching youtube Vlogs. There is good advice but I wish someone could just tell me some tips on how to keep it together. How to keep the relationship going. I don't want it to fade away. He is my best friend and my hero. I see a lot of military relationships end because of deployment/military,ect. I do NOT want to be one of those. So basically I am sending out an S.O.S . I just don't even have the slightest idea what to do . He will be gone for a yr and half.... how to you keep the spark going for that long without eachother?!

Help...someone....anyone

-Ashhhhh.

Ohhh So that is what those buttons are for!

I have just realized my blogs are boring, well I already knew they were boring but they look boring too.

OHHHH THAT IS BETTTTTERRRR!!!!

I can't even read this...who is stupid enough to use yellow...hmm .

Im blue dababedabaday

Okay that is about as crazy as I will get for now.

<3 yours truly.

Today, and Today and Today

Today is the day the Marine comes home!!!HOORRAAHH! It has been a long two weeks. I know two weeks doesn't sound very long especially compared to bootcamp and AIT but these two weeks sucked. I am going to let the little devil dog sleep but tomorrow we have a date! Yes, we do and I didn't even plan it! I think we are going to talk about where we go from here. I think that is what a lot of military relationships AND non military relationships go. You look at eachother and you're like mmmkay so that was a fun two years....now what?I don't have all the answers and sometimes that really stresses me out. But no one does have all the answers. All I can do is hope for the best and hang on to this crazy ride of life.

Know what else makes me so frustrated...that guys aren't girls...you know what I mean? I obviously do NOT want to date a chick but I wish guys could relate to us better, and say the right things.

*** RIPS OUT HAIR**** STRESSSEEEDD!:)

24 more hours until my marine comes home!!! Exciting!!!Here is my new problem.... We have been dating for two years and now he will be deployed for a year. I am really wanting to be engaged/married for all the RIGHT reasons. I think he is a little ify on the subject. I am trying to figure out how I make him understand . We both decided we want to spend the rest of our lives together so whats a rock on my finger going to change that...right? Well I think it would change for the better. But I guess I could be wrong. Wish there was someone who could give me advice about this.

ahhh the life of a STUBBERN marine girlfriend.

to be continued....:)

Why do I do this?

It seems like I spend all my time worrying about my man. I consume my time with care package making, writing letters , sending letters , taking pictures and trying to make a strong healthy relationship. As a military girlfriend I struggle to keep a good relationship going. I am madly in love but it is not all roses and cupcakes. We struggle with the lack of communication(skyping, text and calling just isnt enough sometimes) and how to you keep the spark in your relationship if you arent physically together? It is TOUGH. Strangely I worry about him losing feelings for me more then I worry about myself. What if he doesnt love me as much as I love him, or what if HE can't handle this relationship. I have driven myself crazy thinking about these things but to be honest I still don't have an answer. My man is not a very good "feelings" guy so sometimes it makes it a struggle to find out how he is feeling. All I can say is I pray and I stand by him each and everyday. I hope things work out, because he is the love of my life. I do not know what I would do if we werent together. I try to not think about it but sometimes those feelings creep up. But, I will not give up on him or our relationship. As long as he sticks by my side I will stick by his.

Well since I'm just a bored little monkey... LINKS for care packages

Okay I know some of the things I say are insane...like calling myself a bored little monkey but I swear it is because I'm bored...I'm relatively normal...I think?lol anyone thought I would post some links for ideas and tips on care packages. They are the things soldiers look forward to probably the most after video chating so here are some good links!

http://www.equipped.org/deployed_military_suggestions.htm

http://www.thesoldiersfamily.com/

http://militarymomathome.blogspot.com/2009/01/care-package-ideas.html

There will be more to come but since no one is really reading this yet I guess it doesnt much matter:)

The almost loneliest night ever/youtube.

So here I am blogging because...I am pathetic and real FUCKING lonely!lol. My S.O is still out of state..until sunday... and it seems like the closer his coming home gets the SLOWER the time passes. Even if its hot as hell out and in my house its still really nice to snuggle up to your man. So what am I doing besides blogging....youtube. ADDICT<-- there I admitted it. I am a youtube addict. I look at videos of marines proposing , fat people falling, skinny people falling, girls trying to shoot guns, funny cats, music and breakdancing. I secretly try it when I am alone...lets just say break dancing is NOT in my future. I've also tried beat boxing, that went...much worse then dancing. So, I guess I will stick to blogging. Ah someday I hope I have at least a few followers so someone will listen to my ridicules stories. I feel like I am talking to myself. Like an online diary only I read. Ah whateva!:)

Anyway if there are any other girls doing the same thing as me...my heart goes out to you and look up the vid "evolution of dance" it made my day a little brighter...but it still sucks!

Peace out my little monsters!!!!